Natalie's New Notebook

[natalie]

JUST KIDDING. Fuck Erika.

[natalie]

ROUND NINE

Dear diary, 

How do you think my first post-Jun Eviction conversation with Erika is going to go? Here's a couple of my favorite guesses!
- "how is arcana as can you give me some info to post in the pw lounge" 
- "and i was like huh LOL" 
- "mhm" 

It'll probably feature all three! I'm being completely serious when I say that this girl has asked me more about Arcana than the game we're ACTUALLY playing together. Fuck her, fuck Arlie and his constant complaining about being left out of the loop, and fuck Jackie out of pure association. I know exactly who I'm gunning for at the start of this jury phase, and it feels fantastic. 

P.S. I have officially been nominated, like, ten times throughout my stay in this series. WHEN WILL I FINALLY FIND PEACE? 

XOXO, 
Natalie

[natalie]

Dear diary,

It’s time to lay low. With Kelsey as HOH this week, I had a pretty good feeling that I would be safe unless the MVP decided to put me up. Thankfully, Porsche went up instead, and despite all the alliance drama I’ve been involved with lately, I think I’m able to fall into the background for a few rounds. It may not be the most exciting strategy, but I think it’s the most effective when it comes to surviving the early stages of jury. All eyes are on Kelsey right now, and I think I can use that to my advantage. She has my back (and I have hers…for now), but whenever we’re not in power, I would say she makes a great shield. She’s playing a great game right now, regardless of what any of these hypocrites say. I’d feel threatened too if I was them!

For now, I think I need to stay stable with Porsche and Kelsey. They’re very caught up in this Arlie/Ika/Erika stuff right now, and I need it to stay that way. I need to let them continue putting a target on themselves while I continue building my relationships with Howard and Zach. I honestly think that both Howard and Zach would be willing to turn on the two of them down the line if it benefitted them, so I need to keep that in the back of my mind. The endgame portion of the game will be here before we know it, and I need to start thinking about who I want to sit next to.

XOXO,
Natalie

[natalie]

ROUND TEN

Dear diary, 

Hi. I feel like this has kind of been an uneventful week, honestly. I mean, I DID win POV for the first time ever, and that felt great and all, but Erika and Jackie going up was kind of expected. However, I am currently in a bit of a dilemma. Kelsey is currently on the block, and with vote to save in place, things can get a little complicated if people are eager to make a ~big move~.

I’m concerned that Corey and Cody are going to flip on Kelsey and save Jackie. I would feel sooooo dumb if this happened, because the plan of the moment is that I save Erika with Zach to ensure Jackie leaves. If Corey and Cody vote Jackie, then Kelsey’s only vote is Porsche, and she ends up going home when the opportunity was right there for me to save her. I’d feel terrible, and Kelsey would probably hate me for LIFE.

However, if I don’t vote to save Erika, I think Cody still flips to vote Jackie, and ends up sending Erika home. Howard’s plans as HOH are ruined, he most likely isn’t happy with me when the opportunity for me to help him in his goal to send Jackie home. I feel like I’m easily pissing off two of my closest allies this round no matter what I do, which sucks.

I just need Corey to stay loyal to Kelsey for now. Like, if I was to base my paranoia on how the game’s played out so far, I wouldn’t really be worried about Corey. Him and Kelsey have been close the entire game. However, Corey has recently been pretty candid with me about how he wants to distance himself from Porsche and Kelsey, and he’s now given the perfect opportunity to blindside her. I’m just HOPING he chooses not to.

Kelsey leaving isn’t a total disaster for my game, but I think it’s too early for it to happen. I still need her as a shield until Erika leaves, because at that point, I don’t see myself having a game relationship with Erika. However, Kelsey makes it hard to fully invest myself in her from a game perspective when she passes information onto the wrong people. I told her I wanted to vote Erika to give Howie some peace of mind due to Jackie saying that she had Cody, and she immediately took that to Cody and tried making Cody paranoid of where Howard thinks he stands. That’s something I told her in confidence, about someone that we’ve been considering our ally, to someone that we have repeatedly said we’re unsure of. Why would she do that? Oh, right, because no matter how much I love her, she’s still Kelsey. I know her tactics. Still would like for her to stay another round, though!

Moving forward, I think I trust Zach and Howard the most right now. I do think I need to watch out for how close they are, but we have similar goals at the moment, and I know it’s likely that they’re going to want to strike at Porsche and Kelsey soon. If I can stay on good terms with everyone and navigate the situation correctly, I really could see myself getting to the end. I just have to position myself correctly, especially since I can’t win competitions to save my life.

XOXO, 
Natalie

[natalie]

ROUND ELEVEN

Dear diary, 

I feel like I’m in hot water right now.

Obviously, I’m on the block. I went into this week as a “pawn” to Corey’s masterplan of taking out Zach, and I’ve hated every minute of it. For starters, I obviously don’t want Zach gone. He’s somebody I genuinely trust in this game, and somebody I KNOW would go after bigger threats before trying to come after me. Him leaving is disastrous for my game, and I also just genuinely like the guy. That being said, there was not a whole lot I could do to prevent him from being the target this week. Corey is obviously aligned with Porsche and Kelsey, he doesn’t want to limit himself when it comes to his relationship with Erika, and Arlie would be a total waste of a week. The only other options were me, Cody, Zach, and Howard, and with Corey having no relationship with Zach, it makes sense that he’d gun after him. It also makes sense that Cody wouldn’t use the Power of Veto on me over Erika because, again, Zach has no relationship with him. I can’t force Zach to have certain relationships with people, and when I’m one of the people the house that has a positive relationship with him, people aren’t going to want me to have the opportunity to vote to keep him.

So, I get it. Me being next to Zach is “logical” considering who’s in power. That doesn’t mean I’m happy about it, though!

With Zach actively campaigning, I think there’s a good chance he stays. Howard doesn’t want to be forward with me, but I can just tell that he’s gonna vote to save Zach if the votes are there. I know those two are closer with each other than they are with me, and I know Zach is better at competitions than I am. So, if the opportunity is there, Howie is gonna save him, and that fucking sucks.

I think my fate completely depends on Porsche right now. I think Arlie and Erika are guaranteed votes for Zach, and I think Howie is just waiting for the go ahead from her to save him. I’ve felt good about my relationship with Porsche, but I’m just not sure how close she is with Zach or if she feels that he’s better for her game. I just need to convince her that he’s gonna go after her and Kelsey the second he gets the chance, and that I’m less of a threat when it comes to actually winning competitions. Perhaps that’s a bit too simple of a campaign strategy, but I think it might be effective.

I’m really not ready to go home yet. My game has by no means been perfect, but I have so much left that I want to do, and really think I could sell myself well enough in the end. There’s a lot more game left to be played, and I need to be here to actually DO that.



XOXO, 
Natalie

[natalie]

OK I KNOW I'VE BEEN A TOTAL FLOP LATELY BUT I WILL BE EXPLAINING MY FULL THOUGHT PROCESS AS HOH LATER TONIGHT.

Thank you for listening. 

[natalie]

ROUND TWELVE & THIRTEEN

Dear diary, 

Alright, time to get down to business. Sorry for the lack of updates!

Last week honestly wasn’t too exciting from my end. Kelsey won HOH, I was safe, and nothing particularly juicy happened until the very end of the round when Howard lied to save his ass from going on the block. Me and Howie tried making a last ditch effort to get Cody voted out, but it didn’t work due to his relationship with Corey and Erika. It was a bit frustrating, but understandable because I GET that Arlie isn’t exactly someone that the cast was attached too. It kind of felt like me and Howie were doing a majority of the campaigning for him anyway, so the results weren’t a total surprise.

However, with me actively campaigning against the person that ended up staying, I knew I needed to win HOH if I wanted to avoid the block. Howard and Kelsey might have been top priority if Cody won HOH, but I don’t know if I buy that my ass wouldn’t have touched the block at some point if one of them won veto, and honestly, I’m kind of sick of being up by the end of what feels like every other week. Thankfully, I pulled through and managed to win my first (real) HOH of this season.

I think I came into this week with a lot of different options. After campaigning against Cody, it made sense that he was my primary target, but I knew I needed to come up with a backup plan in case that didn’t work out. Porsche seemed like a pretty reasonable option, because as much as I like the girl, I think she’s a fairly underrated threat moving forward. Sure, she might not have Kelsey or Erika’s comp wins, but she’s played nice with just about everybody, and I honestly can’t think of a single person on the jury that hates her guts so far. People are pretty neutral to her so far, and depending on how the rest of the season plays out, that can make her incredibly dangerous. Plus, I figured having one of my initial noms go home was probably ideal if Cody happened to take himself off.

So, Porsche was the backup plan, and I’d definitely end up NEEDING a backup plan the second Cody managed to win veto. I toyed with just about every option imaginable to see how I could send her home, but ultimately decided that Corey going up as a pawn was the best thing I could do to send Porsche packing. If I put up Kelsey, she’d definitely go home because it’d be too tempting for people NOT to do that. If I put up Erika or Howie, it’d probably be the same situation.

I talked to Corey about this, and while he wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea, he seemed on board. He couldn’t put up too much of a fight considering he had just used me a pawn a few rounds ago, but I get that it’s obviously an ideal situation for him. Erika randomly approaching me and him trying to make a Final 3 deal, so that made him feel a little bit more comfortable.

Me? Not so much. Initially, I was fine not putting Erika on the block this week. Her and I have had virtually no relationship this entire game, but she hasn’t had any screaming matches with me like she has just about everyone else. I didn’t really care if she was here or if she wasn’t, but her attempt at “working” with me honestly raised a lot of red flags. The second I said that I didn’t feel like Kelsey leaving was beneficial to me this week, she became super noncommittal in my goal to get out Porsche. She kept talking about how a Final 3 with Corey wouldn’t work if I put him up, but I tried pointing out to her that me doing so wouldn’t suddenly change their relationship. All I wanted was for her to say she wouldn’t vote out Corey if I put him up as a pawn, and she didn’t, so I would need to re-evaluate my decision here.

If I put up Corey and Erika didn’t end up voting Porsche, that would mean I was depending on Kelsey to vote out someone she’s actively worked with since the beginning. I think I MAY have been able to make that happen based on my relationship with Kelsey, but it still could have been so risky. The more I thought about it, I thought that maybe Porsche wasn’t the best option for this week. She’s definitely someone I don’t want to be sitting in the end with, but she’s also someone I think I can be on an equal playing field with when it comes to competitions. I don’t think Porsche’s competition skills are quite as awful as she leads on, BUT, they’re definitely not quite as good as Cody, Erika, and Kelsey’s. I needed to look past the tunnel vision I had and start thinking about how I could position myself for the next two weeks.

So, I decided that Erika might be a better target.

Now, I know Erika has that scrappy underdog factor that’s appealing to people, but that’s exactly why I think she’s in a vaguely threatening position right now. If she’s already made me concerned that she’d keep Porsche over my pawn, then the only other options I had in terms of re-noms were her, Howard, and Kelsey. Howard and I actively worked together last week, so it’d make no sense whatsoever for me to nominate him. That leaves Kelsey and Erika, and considering that I don’t think Kelsey would nominate me next week when i can’t play for HOH, she honestly seemed like the better option.

If I was to knock out Kelsey, it’d definitely be a big move on my resume. However, having that big move instantly puts a target on my back. In a Final 6 of Cody, Erika, Corey, Porsche, Howard, and I, me and Howard a hundred percent are the next two people in line to go after a move like that. If I take out Erika, that means that Kelsey is most likely gunning after Cody, Cody is most likely gunning for Kelsey and Howard, and I get to sit back and relax until I can actively compete in HOH again. Is it flashy? No, but considering the fact that I’d LIKE to make it to the end this time around, sometimes knowing when the trigger needs to be pulled is important. With that being said, Erika was officially my target, and I knew I’d be getting a pretty nasty response from her after making this decision.

I understand that talking with Cody five minutes a day made us such a dangerous power couple and that I was obviously going to take Kelsey to the finals because I was still hanging onto that threesome she wanted with me and Jackie but I guess you'd rather chicken out and hand over the title instead of trying to win it yourself? I don't blame you, I've always thought you're kinda boring and a waste of spot on the cast but we played BBRNF15 together and I thought you would've learned that being worthless doesn't work in your favor. No hard feelings, but you disappointed me, enjoy losing for the third time.

Let's dissect this. That "five minutes" she talks to Cody everyday is about four more minutes than she's talked to me the entire game. I don't know if Erika realizes this, but I'm not the only person that has spent a majority of the game having no relationship with her. When somebody that I barely know approaches me for a Final 3 deal over the person she's playing veto footsy with, I'm obviously going to be a bit suspicious, especially when she shows no interest in compromising on anything that doesn't involve voting out the person she hates. As for me being a waste of a spot that's going to lose for the third time, that's fine. Erika's not a particularly interesting person either, and while she's disappointed in me for setting myself up to lose for the third time, I'm proud that this game can be a bright spot in the many pre-jury placements I've watched her get. 

I can own up to the fact that maybe this week was a mistake once the game is all over, but for now, I stand by my decision. Having a resume to display in the end is important, but so is setting yourself up to even make it to Final 3.  Also, it's not like Erika is some giant goat here. I can easily see her garnering a lot of jury support in the end, and no amount of her claiming she's "over" the game and "not desperate to win" statements can change that. She reminds me a lot of Jee, honestly. Her misery is believable, just based on the fact it's clear she's rarely gotten her way this season, but people that "don't care" about losing typically don't go as hard as she does in competitions, nor do they react as aggressively as she does when she gets put on the block. I can gladly relieve her of her place in the game, though! 

XOXO, 
Natalie

[natalie]

ROUND FOURTEEN

Dear diary, 

I would say things are going pretty swimmingly this week.

Kelsey managed to win HOH and Veto, the second biggest comp threat is still on the block, and both Corey and I seem on track to evict him. Kelsey can’t compete in HOH next week, which I think means either her, Howie, or Porsche will end up going home next week depending on who wins. If Howie wins, it’s most likely gonna be either Porsche or Kelsey. If Porsche wins, it’ll probably be Howie. If Corey wins, it could really go any way, but I don’t think he’d put me up. And if I win? I think I’m gonna have to take the leap and officially backstab Kelsey, which is fine. She has to realize at this point it’d be silly of me to bring her to the end.

I think I’ve positioned myself here pretty nicely. Ideally, I’d like a Final 3 of me, Porsche, and Corey. I think I have what it takes to beat the both of them. I know that sounds weird considering I was just talking about how I don’t want to be sitting next to Porsche in the end, like, last round, but I don’t know. She might have previous winner status, but I don’t think it’d be the end of the world if I was sitting next to her. But hey, I could always be delusional! Regardless, I think Corey is probably my best bet here, and I think it’s totally a possible scenario as long as Kelsey leaves within the next two weeks.

XOXO, 
Natalie

[natalie]

ROUND FIFTEEN

Dear diary, 

 

XOXO, 
Natalie

[natalie]

Dear diary,

Can I be honest? I’m exhausted. This game has been a two month long experience, and I’m feeling…vaguely defeated right now? I don’t feel like people respect me. Corey has already told me he thinks going to the end with me is HIS best bet at winning, which is like, true, but also BORDERLINE insulting? This is the same guy that spent the first few weeks of the game logging on for maybe 20 minutes a week, evicted someone that was basically checked out of the game during his HOH, and chose to evict Arlie over one of the better competitors in the game. Don’t get me wrong, I love Corey, but SERIOUSLY? 

Okay, I guess I shouldn’t be too critical here. I’ve been kind of a mess myself, but I’m feeling like such a loser lately and I don’t even know why. Corey and Porsche have been equally, if not more, complicit in Kelsey making it this far. Porsche literally just betrayed her and is already talking about how she doesn’t want to be the one that takes Kelsey out because it’ll put a target on her back…at Final Four. I feel like my decision to put up Erika made more sense than that? Like, next round is basically determined by who wins veto. She’d need to be fighting for that to determine her own fate regardless. I don’t know. I just have a feeling that the way this round is gonna play out is that Cody is gonna win veto, Corey is gonna go up as a replacement, and I’m gonna get sent home because neither Cody or Kelsey are gonna vote out Corey. 

That’s annoying, mainly because I’m sure I contributed to this outcome. But, whatever. I’m gonna do my best with this veto and pray that either me or Corey wins, because I think I can probably get Kelsey up if either of those things happen. If we can send Kelsey home this week, I think I stand a good chance at winning next week’s HOH if it’s Timeline. At that point, I secure my spot in Final 3, and I…pray for the best, because lord knows I’m gonna need it for those first two parts of the Final HOH. 

I think the only bright side of me leaving is that I’ll get a break from talking to Porsche, honestly. Don’t get me wrong, she seems sweet, but good god are our conversations repetitive. They basically play out like this.

Me: Hi Porsche. Have you ever thought about how we’re all going to die someday? 

Porsche: Oh wow! No. I don’t think I have ever thought about dying someday, which is a thing that all humans do. 

Me: Oh cool. What do you think about Geology? 

Porsche: Geology is the study of rocks.

Me: Thanks for the fun fact Porsche. What’s your favorite food?

Porsche: I really love eating. I need it to survive.

Like, she has this way of basically repeating back whatever I’m saying or pointing out the most obvious shit. It’s like having a conversation with Siri. Is that mean? Probably, but again, TWO MONTHS. TWO MONTHS!!!! 

PRAY FOR ME.

XOXO,
Natalie 

[natalie]

I apologize in advance for that pathetic attempt at a veto submission. I've had a really bad day and am already on my way out the door again, and I just don't think my brain is capable of doing that kind of math today. If Cody wins and I go home, then I know I'm gonna deserve it for not trying to do it last night when I was in a better state of mind. No disrespect intended, I feel like it'd be a fun comp for somebody with a nice, big brain. 

[natalie]

ROUND SIXTEEN

Dear diary, 

WHYYYYYYYYY DO I TAKE FUCKING FOREVER TO DO ANYTHING? JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!

I literally...had notes for this HOH. I was prepared and everything. I was looking forward to absolutely MURDERING it and securing my spot in Final 3, and despite that, I somehow managed to take 40 something minutes to finish because it takes me eight million light years to drag a goddamn PICTURE to where it NEEDS TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's fine. I'm fine. TOTAAAAAAALLLY FINE. 




XOXO, 
Natalie

[natalie]

FINALE

Dear diary, 

BACK AT IT AGAIN, FINAL 3. 

It's feeling a little less bleak this time around, but I’m definitely still nervous. I think after Porsche’s decision to cut Kelsey last round, there’s a good chance that she’s the frontrunner to win right now. Her and I have made it completely (and cordially) obvious that we’re not taking each other to Final 2, which means if I even want the OPPORTUNITY to win, I need to make sure she doesn’t win this Final HOH. I think I did OK on the first two parts, but I’m really nervous about the endurance portion, assuming I qualify for Part 3. School is starting up for me this week, and anytime I’m NOT in class, I’m working, which makes things a little difficult. Plus, me and Proboards just don’t get along when it comes to endurance. I think the best case scenario for me is if Corey and I win the first two parts, but I also don’t want to rely on Corey to get myself to the end. I think I could still potentially beat him if he ended up winning this last HOH and choosing me over Porsche, but it’s still a bit risky and a lot less badass. I feel like my overall ~arc in this series would be much more fulfilling if I spent a majority of the time flopping at competitions and somehow managing to pull through with a last minute win. But hey - I’ll take anything at this point.

I think when it comes to making my case in the end, I’ve played a pretty subtle game. I would say Porsche and Corey have done the same, though Porsche has done a bit of a better job at it than either me or Corey. I have my fair share of allies on the jury, and I do think there’s a couple people that would respect me more than Corey if given the chance to articulate myself. I think I’m going to need to put a lot of emphasis on the truce I made with Kelsey/Porsche and how that took my much further than I probably would have gone without it, having Howard as a shield, and how taking out Erika helped propel me further than I probably would have gotten had I taken out Kelsey that round. I have a feeling the jury is going to be a bit critical of me in terms of not making very many ~BiG MoVeZ~, but I’m gonna make it work. I’m good at being cute, and I’m even better at convincing people that I’m cute, so I’m gonna go into this last phase of the game with a smile and do my best impersonation of a confident person. 

WISH ME LUCK! 

XOXO, 

Natalie

[natalie]

GODDAMNIT I WAS SO CLOSE!!! 

[Arlie Shaban]

Just to let you know, I WAS campaigning a lot when I could for votes to stay. It was just that a lot of the campaigning time and when everything went down was around the time I had to leave for work so my time was limited.