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Post by Ika on Jun 25, 2017 18:14:54 GMT
 Cat in Heaven
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.”
God said, “Say no more.” Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow.
A few days later,
12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together. God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said, “Well, we have had to run all of our lives… from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again.”
God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.
About a week later,
God decided to check on the cat… He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?”
The cat replied,
“Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL…
I’ve never been so happy in my life!
My pillow is always fluffy
and
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}those little “Meals-on-Wheels” that You have been sending over are delicious."   
*** Thanks, by Sexy& RoRo
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Post by austin on Jun 26, 2017 5:29:21 GMT
*as Colby and I smile*
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Post by Ika on Jun 29, 2017 1:29:43 GMT
One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "Fuck this," "Fuck that." The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says, "You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest." Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. "Yes," says the priest.  {Spoiler}"Well tell him to get the fuck out and push!!!"  Thanks by Sexy & RoRO |
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Post by austin on Jun 29, 2017 3:00:21 GMT
*as Colby & I look at Diva and smile*
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Post by Ika on Jun 30, 2017 2:11:43 GMT
I usually don't share my personal video's I decided to change it up
I want to sip on this Lemonade
Who want 's some?? Please know that you guys inspire me, just as much as I inspire you.
keep smiling 
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarters and leaves. ‘What did I tell you?’ said the barber. ‘That kid never learns!’ Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. ‘Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?’ The boy licked his cone and replied, {Spoiler}‘Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!’  Thanks by Sexy & RoRO  |
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Post by austin on Jun 30, 2017 4:08:25 GMT
*as Colby, Kat & I look at Diva and smile*
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Post by Ika on Jul 1, 2017 3:31:30 GMT
I just want some ice on my wrist so I look better when I dance
Have you lookin' at it, put you in a trance
Yeah yeah yeah
All I ever wanted was a Rolly Rolly
All I ever wanted was a Rolly Rolly
Now your dude all on me, now your dude all on me (he all on me)  A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds:  {Spoiler}{Spoiler}"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.
He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey.
I love you too!"  ouch *** Thanks, by Sexy& RoRo |
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Post by austin on Jul 1, 2017 3:37:29 GMT
*as Kat, Colby, Shadow & I look at Diva and smile*
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Post by Ika on Jul 1, 2017 21:43:36 GMT
So you took a chance, made other plans
But I bet you didn't think that they would come crashing down,
no One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "bitch" and the women called the man a "bastard". Their son walked in and said "What does bitch and bastard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen". The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my titties" and the man said "feel my dick". Their son walked in and asked "What does titties and dick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats". On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "Shit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using. Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "Fuck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey. Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said  {Spoiler}"Alright you bitches and bastards,
put your dicks and titties in the closet,
my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face,
and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!  *** Thanks, by Hunnies |
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Post by austin on Jul 2, 2017 4:22:48 GMT
*as Diva & I look at each other and we smile*
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Post by Ika on Jul 3, 2017 2:41:23 GMT
 Can tell you want me
By the way I see you starin’ ‘cross the room, babe
No shame in the game
Just cut the shit, be honest
Yeah, you know what you gotta do tonight, do tonight
I just want you to make me move
Like it ain’t a choice for you, like you got a job to do
A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so he called his wife to make up an excuse. After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had great sex for two hours. Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife. After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending to fight off the affectionate animal. Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey, look what the dog did to my neck! she answered, {Spoiler}""Hell, that's nothing"
ripping open her blouse.
"Look what he did to my tits!"  *** Thanks, by Hunnies |
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Post by Ika on Jul 4, 2017 1:21:06 GMT
Don’t have to say my name
Girl I’m just glad you came
So you can say O...
O is for that overtime I’m puttin’ in
We’ll go for hours take a break
And go at in again
O...  The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. ' We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.' Finally, the last man was given the same instructions,to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. {Spoiler}'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said.
'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.  *** Thanks, by Hunnies |
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Post by Ika on Jul 5, 2017 22:53:23 GMT
I don't think you ready for this jelly
I don't think you ready for this jelly
I don't think you ready for this
'Cause my body too bootylicious for yo babe
 A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. “Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?” “There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.” “What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily. “Gold of course”, says the man proudly. The wife responds wryly, {Spoiler}“Why don’t you wear Silver?
It would be nice if you came second for a change.”  *** Thanks, by Hunnies |
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Post by austin on Jul 6, 2017 1:22:06 GMT
*as Heather and I look at Diva, and we smile*
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Post by Ika on Jul 9, 2017 2:23:57 GMT
On the wreck of '86 Baby, I'll give you everything you need
I'll give you everything you need, oh yeah
I'll give you everything you need
Since we found out
Since we found out
Anything could happen
Anything could happen
Uh, uh, uh, uhuhAn accountant decided to leave his wife one day. He left her a note saying, "Dear Jane, I am 54 years old and I have never done anything wild. So I'm leaving you for an 18 year old blonde model. We'll be staying at the Sheraton." He then packed his things and went there. When he arrived at the Sheraton, there was a message for him from his wife. It read, "Dear John. I too am 54 years old. I have followed your example and am staying at the Hyatt with an 18 year old Italian hunk. And I'm sure that you, as an accountant, {Spoiler}will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!"
ohrite
*** Thanks, by Hunnies |
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